1:54 AM

i cry when i miss a person. i cried twice today. that person must be lucky. damn lucky. i hate you, that person. (and i dont mean literally. I LOVE YOU LIKE CRAP)

gosh. it was before. i was typing something into my phone, yes, the only reason i hold my phone so tightly never trusting another person to hold it and keep it and was afraid it might get lost and would wail if its lost is because of the pictures i took. and also because of the memories i kept. and the thoughts i stored. (sesungguhnya nurnabilah abdul moen adalah seorang yang pelupa. jadi, alat ini amat diperlukan dan membantu. =) after saving, i didnt want to sleep. its still early. suha was already sleeping. zura was listening to the mp3 while viewing today's pictures that was taken. so i viewed back what i stored. man, it made those tears trickling. i stopped reading, so i wont cry(i thougt i wont). but it made me feel how foolish i was during one time. remembering the past was truly an amazing thing. i cried enough to water the plants around bukit panjang(okay. ini tipu). i cried myself to sleep. i am certain. its a definite. and for about a while, i got a message. i was mumbling something. wondering who would message me. and wondering what kind of message it would be. with my phatetic eyes, i squinted hard to read the message. it made me sat upright. no kidding. i reread it. wow. i thought. did i sent the message i stored in. that couldnt be. i checked. oh my~! i didnt send it. what triggered you to msg me. i decided to leave it till tomorrow. after 5 minutes exactly, (did you took the whole 5 minutes to typed? no i dont think so) i received another message. this was the one that made me cried the second time. that reminder. those words, lining side by side ready to be read and ready to touch a life. im touched. honestly, truly. i dont want to cry. but i cant stop the tears from making its way to the surface. cant stop it from escaping to the world. those tears were precious. i would have collected it. but it will dry up soon. i was facing the wall. afraid i might wake zura up (who was already SNORING) and there was this heart my sister drew (i dont know who. i bet it was zura. it looked like her drawing). the light was shining on it. and then the light died. taking the drawing with it. making me not able to see it. i was fascinated. i made some connections. what if my heart died. like that light died. will i bring anything with me? will i be remembered like how i remembered the heart that dissapeared when the light died down? or will i be forgotten? gone down the memory lane. along with all those bittersweet memories. then i was patting myself. trying to comfort me. i told myself to let others decide that. its not up to me. its up to everybody, somebody, them. i told myself if i wasnt remebered by humans, by those little robots He created, it is okay. it will be okay. i will be remembered by Him. because He was the one who sent His angel to fetch me to be by His side. so if i die one day, i hope i will be smiling. i want to meet Him smiling. not in agony. i want Him to know i was prepared meeting Him.

YA ALLAH. INNI LAKA. lindungilah aku dari buruk sangka manusia dan juga rasukan syaitan. Kau pinjamkanlah aku kekuatanMu kerana sesungguhnya hambaMu ini lemah. lemah sungguh Ya Allah. Tuhan segala apa yang ada di langit dan di bumi dan segala sesuatu yang berada diantaranya, raja setiap makhluk yang akan dibinasakan sedang israfil meniup sangkakala buat kali yang pertama(kecuali yang diizin dikau untuk terus hidup di bumiMu), Kau ampunilah dosaku, dosa ibu bapaku, dosa keluargaku, dosa rakan, sahabat, temanku. kau ampunilah dosa guru-guruku. kau ampunilah dosa saudaraku. kau ampunilah dosa sekalian muslimin dan muslimat. mu'minin dan mu'minat. sesungguhnya padaMu kami akan kembali.

i was done reciting this. the tears didnt want to stop still. it made me feel empty. how sinful i am and all. i dont want to think about it. i wanted to sleep. but the more i tried not to think about it, the more i think about it. so i sang to myself. it comforted me a little. made me smile at how i could sing despite all this thinking. but singing helped me. its how i deal with this kind of stuff. it made me think how foolish i am. it made me smile. singing is special. thats why i never do it in the open. and it did wonders. i stopped crying. stopped thinking about death so much that it might scare others thinking i was emo. (what is emo? i dont know all this crap *winks*) i went to the computer. thinking whether i should or should not post something. i did. risked it. because i wanted that person to know how unique and special he is. i wanted him to know even if he's a retard or a weirdo, he'll be my retard and my weirdo. (oh no! nabilah's getting mushy in public. sheesh) okay. enough. i think everybody gets what im saying. what i mean. no need for a publicity stunt. (hahh! like im some artist)

randoming, its NOW or NEVER; NABILAH MOEN