8:23 PM

here's a little something to share.

rendah diri bukan penyakit keturunan, itu hanya penyakit mainan perasaan dan malas gunakan akal fikiran, selalu mengalh juga bukan penyakit asib seperti mati dilanggar lori balak, tetapi bala yang dicari-cari. sengaja beri ruang, peluang diri dipijak. kita kena berusha naiki kekurangan diri. memikirkannya membuatkan aku jadi bertambah agresif.
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things have got to change for awhile eh?
the reason for the changes are usually the same, ITS TIME TO MOVE ON, IM STILL SEARCHING FOR MYSELF. the me who was lost sometime ago.
i remembered what cikgu said today in class.
SWIM LIKE NEMO. EXPLOOOOOORE
i want to swim but im afraid i might drown. i know in life, we have to tke risks and chances. lie, nemo, even with his little left fin, (or was it right?) he tried with all of his might to try and swim to the sea. to the darker part of the sea. im not like nemo. im afraid i cant swim and be strong and fight whatever comes in my way. (oh Allah, please give me strength. plese lend me your strength. please, i beg of you)

its freaking hard to grow up sometimes. but that zone is tempting. i want to grow up. i want to be a someone. macam cikgu selalu cakap. HIDUP MESTI NAK JADI MANUSIA. i want to be that manusia. hats why i need my friends. thats why i need my family. they're important. very very important.

you didnt change your characteristics. its just that you have taken a different perspective on life. if your friends claim that you have changed, maybe its due to them noticing that you're different from who they're used to seeing. we should all be more open and try to accept each other, no matter how different they've become, especially since everyone is subjected to change and that its part and parcel of our lives. you cannot possibly expect anyone to NOT develop as they grow older.

that is somehow reassuring. what if i tell you i cannot accept that ive changed over the course of time? well, yes. im the one who think that i myself am changing. and i kinda find it hard to accept that fact. and im ashamed tat i cant accept tat fact. oh belive me. its HAAAAAAARD! gahh.

i still dislike nazirul.

yes, i cried today in school. the emptiness in my heart where once laughter and smiles filled is now empty. i cant help it. there are things i stil dont understand. there are still things that, i , as a teen, is still searching. i need to love myself i say. but i love myself. its just, life is so hard at this moment. i need all the strength i can get. i indulge myself in comfort food. its not helping. the tears are stil flowing fast, like the river water. i cant sleep. sleep is haunting. everytime i sleep, i wish i wont wake up from the dreams im having. so life will remain the same. PEACEFUL.

on a brighter note,
the excos managed to bring a smie to my face. and my no 1 til 32 too. (though 10 of you did not come to school)
here are pictures of the exco members. HAHA! not according to order.



















i guess thats all. these few weeks ive been getting headaches. the kind hat can kill you. ARGH! (i seriously need a timeout)

salam!

open heart surgery;NABILAHMOEN