11:51 PM


okay. that's it, man. im pissed off with myself already. i feel so demoralized right now that i wish im dying because then, the world will suddenly be just a place to me. just A place.
astaghfirulahalaziim.
tuhan tak bagi, ni meminta.

but seriously. since this is my blog. and im not feeling good. and im pissed. ONE EMO POST COMING RIGHT UP. just so the WHOLE world would know.

this is what i think of me. im ugleh. this i cant deny lar. i hate it when people say she'e fat when she's not. and i admit, im a little overweight but i love myself. thats why i junk. and even though its unhealthy, what the heck do i care. (because nobody cares) and i dont need anybody to care for me. (okay, actually i do)but whatever. i still think im ugleh. no wait. since i love myself so much, and even though other people thinks im ugleh im not. fullstop. i think im the stupidest being on earth. because i cant pass math and do well for others. i hate myself for that. and thas why its demoralizing. because, if others can pass math and chemm and do well for others, why cant i? have i listed why exams are stupid? because we got rated by that only one over hundred paper and get demoralised. and even after working our asses off we might stil not reach wht is expected of us. silly kan?! and im already demoralized enough ar when i got back my exam papers. and further more when people keep asking for marks. ARGH! go and ask other people laar. AIYAH! must it be this hard? and i think ive been skipping school alot this year. like majorly alot ar. because i think school's not just school anymore. now i understand why some people would rather not attend school. because, sometimes, its the people at school. i hope i dont discriminate. and i hope im not being a hypocrite. because i feel lost at school. in class. and i think im not beig myself. i cant take life anymore lar. and seeing the things i missed when i skipped school is like whaaaaaat. i know lar its my fault for skipping school. im to blame. see, im blaming everything unto myself. and im not a good daughter. neither am i a good sister. not a good friend too. not a good example. i havent felt lie this before in a very long time. very, very long time. but right now i my head, im thinking the worse. ways i can kill myself. planning a suicide. ARGH!! the world is not a place for me. its too innocent and beautiful. im too filthy of its place. just let me be.

exhaaaaaaaaaaaale.

life today is okay. i was pissed with nazirul. it was awesome later in the afternoon and evening and at night. though im very sleepy right now. shh.. im not trying to close my eyes. the sunset view was nice. and the person i spent today with was a very good person. i owe you so much to you. for making me laugh like hell and forget that i want to leave the world. the sunset was beautiful, masyaAllah. my hersheys got lost on the way home and i slept on the bench. kinda. my glass ring broke. i was 'air-drumming' (mcm fhm) and it broke. argh!! i need to search for another one. i want to customize one lar. its issing finding the right size. (my fingers are damn small) i misplaced my USB and now i cant upload or transfer my picures form phone. boo! cant wait for HSM3:SY. cnt wait to venture singapore. cant wait for some stuff. i want to dream of you tonight. (i think i lost my sense somewhere. because im talking about death all along)

we're flying through the night
flying through the night (yes we are. i want to)
way up high, (over the stars)
the view from here is getting better with
you by my side (hell yeah. you know it)

RUN, BABY, RUN!! (like the wind. like there's no tomorrow. like people aint watching. just like the other night. hold my hand tight. on the count of three, we'll zoom past the future. we'll be on our own. you're not scared, right? ne, tow, three! i love you, dear)

i miss sentosa-ing. ihsan, nak pergi lagi? please?
assalamualikum.
i love you, randome-rs;NABILAHMOEN