9:28 AM

dear you,

i am feeling all down. i missed most of the STE camp meetings (there was one yesterday and i didnt even know about it) and i didnt even go to today's camp. its the freaking first day.

im sick all over and i hope im going to feel beter tomorrow because i still want to go to school. unless the people there already dont want have enough people there. yes.

i went home late yesterday (i was home at two am) the journey back home was much more tiring then the journey there. nevertheless, i bought some things for myself. i cant wait for some days so i could go shopping and splurge.

i think im missing all the action because my phone was taken away. its been a month already and it was never this long. its 9 am today and i was never up this early. there must be something wrong with me.

dearest,

i think im beginning to distance myself from the ones i love. i am beginning to close up more than any other days. i keep hiding my feelings more than usual. and right now, im not a happy kid. i dont know why but these days i have been very vulnerable. (too much emo will make you a suuuuucker!) i cant even talk to dad properly without being slam at. well, mom is a total gone issue. i wish i was working so i could somehow 'divert' my thougts and feelings to working myself out.
uh-oh. im thinking about it again. sorry dear.

the wether is nice recently. yes, it kept raining non-stop and i wish i was at this place where i could rest into comfort's arms and sleep soundly. my bed doesnt do that anymore. thanks to the sibs. i wish i could snuggle up into somebody's arms and tell that person my sorrows and fears andhave that person to tell you things arent going my way but its all alright for now. the sun will still be up there. and sometimes, i wish someone randome would hug me. but then again, i swear i would tear up. gah!

it was a full-moon for the last few days. it was a very brighty lit low full moon the other day. i swear the moon sometimes make you think you can jump and strecth up your hands just so you can reach it. i did try. i was too silly to think of it that way. astronauts take months and maybe years to go up there and to think i could reach it up by jumping and strecthing up. silly.

i think ive been very inconsiderate for the past few days. im sorry to those who thought so too. im in denial and was demanding attention, i guess. im sorry for being the reason you got scolded and nagged at. im sorry for being the reason you cant hang out with the rest. im sorry for being the reason when you tend to get very defensive. but i know you'll do okay. you have been doing great till now.

dear,

what if i told you that im leaving this life? will anyone actually remember me? will anyone actually know, at least? im being too hopeful, i guess.

i want to be a hapy kid again.

salam, dearest!

with extra love and extra long hugs and lots of kisses;nabilahmoen.