6:28 PM

i wish to pick up my ownself.

i guess daddy forgot how to say take care.
i guess mummy forgot the goodnight kisses.
i dont want those empty noises in my head anymore.
i dont want those echoing laughters.
i dont want fake plastic upward curves.
im tired, truthfully.
my head hurts.
my heart aches.
i dont want to die yet, please.
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maths retake was awesome. if you believed me, you're a nutcase. (:

hello ikhwan and akhawat. how are you today? good i hope, jyeah (NODS!) hamdan lillah.

i want to remind myself and everyone here that Allah is always nearby. seek His solace and insyaAllah, everything will be fine. i was hit with a news and i was devastated. but it was only for a while. its been a while since i get these kind of news. i hope i wont get it anymore. it is certainly unpleasant. for both me and the other party. i was sad actually. lets just not disclose the matter in public. well, im sorry and you're forgiven. :D

i forgot about my blazers! o.o i hope it doesnt rain tomorrow.
(sings) oh mr sun, sun, mr golden sun, please shine down on me. i bet its raining heavily there at jurong or bukit batok or pasir ris or woodlands, right? im sorry!
haha.

i going to the poly open house on the tenth. haha. i am temaning a friend and sincee its been a dream to go to open houses, (mcm best an?) im going. im going. (hehh) so, the tenth is next weekend i presume? jyeah? wow. time is ticking away fast. i dont want to get over 2009. there are a lot of things that i will have to let go next year.

madam b told some os us that this year, the english department is concentrating on journalism. coooool. uh-huh. uh-huh. haha!

cant really wait till second day. im going to try a new route, finally. (please pray hard that it wont take me one and a half hour to school. please? i'll end up crying if this one does too. i have to change three busses. ya Allah, tolonglah hamba mu ini.) and you know what? mama still doesnt want me to take train. darah berbus masih hidup dalam darah masing-masing. (: *ape aku crap?* if everthing is not well, i think i will have to do my subuh in masjid. noooooo! that means waking up earlier. oh man!

i have a confession. i cried while doing maths just now. i laughed it off already. but really, it was a good thing that i was at the back. really at the back with no one else on my left and my right. my head was throbbing mad and the numbers are all jumbled up. it was paper two. i was giving up. it was half an hour till one. the end of the paper. i still have a few questions left. i was letting emotions getting the good of me. but i was able to stop, knock my head and tell myself that i have to at least try and finish this. ive already woke up early and gotten mysef into deep shit. something that i would choose not to talk about. got myself nagged at and was late for fifteen minutes. i have to finish this up. and so i did. i am proud. thank you Allah.

oh God, do i really abandon you and come to you only when im in deep trouble? do i come to you only when im down and weary? do i forgot you when i was having fun with all the nikmat you've been giving me? i am so sorry, Allah. i may have failed to look back at that moment but please, oh Allah, help me. guide me, Allah. i am hopeless at times. i really am tired right now, but please Allah, give me the strength. lighten the burden. i dont want to be tired all the time. i dont want to be hopeless all the time. i need your help, please, Allah. i am indeed in need.

i wish to pick up my ownself.

because lets just say, im having a hard time to let go of certain things.

salam minni lakum. :D

a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person, feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection;nabilahmoen!