6:56 PM

i am so sorry. ive other commitments. like, my studies? :D

assalamualaikum brothers and sisters.

i was supposed to get back to you dont i? i am uber sorry. actually, i dont see a point updating anymore. yesyes. i am stealing time. today is monday and i felt great. only (sort of) a bit dissapointed about something stupid but seriously, i am content today.

okay, life had been hectic and the people around me arent helping much. i mean, come on! sometimes, in life you have to freaking give in. dont you get it? GIVE IN, dumbo. i have long to tell this is the face(s) of the people around me but, im just too kind to hurt your feelings. you and i are still human. prone to mistakes. and i should forgive.

tests had been rather dissapointing, i guess. have i gone pass that? have i told you guys about it? one minute, i thought i know how things work, the next, it were all stupid mistakes. (wait, no mistakes are stupid) and im feeling demoralized. mary darling, can i take a peak into your brain and work out its intricate ways when its dealing with a maths/chem question? thanks! i needed it. having said that, i think i'll miss STE more than anything. give me a day with texts to memorise and i'll do it willingly. (oh come on sec fours, DON'T roll your eyes.) maybe, i think, i am just tired.

i had this massive headache and i gave up already. i am tired of having to sit or lie when they attack. its really a restless thing to do, you know. grrawr! but thanks dear, anyway, for being there. and did you have leg cramps after an hour of the bus ride? i am sorry. (: well, yesterday was fun, i guess. it was nice having to wait tables for a while. and having to look out for small little kiddies. the food was nice, though the ayam masak merah was too spicy for my chinese tastebud. (gaaaaaaaaag!) HAHA! and i should buy more of that polaroid films. we (the family and i) (yes, we went to search for it TOGETHER), went to mustafa cntre and they said they dont sell it anymore. oh maaaaaaan. i was like eyeing mustafa centre (so that maybe, just maybe, it will be well, cheaper. haha!). well, hopes were dashed. buuuuut! i still have sim lim, jyeah? cool much. so, we took pictures. it was nice. i get to meet the seniors. that was cool. and having to see mamatjau for a bit is really something. i dont know. its his face. haha! (no, dear juniors and other readers. i dont have anything to do with him. we're not realated at all nor do we have any relationship going on) tawn was pretty that day. everybody was! (except your truly. i never was. sheesh) i love jemma's baju kurung! i should wear kurung more. (can have that perempuan melayu terakhir feeling. haha *now, now, you dont need to roll your eyes..)

oh, people say that my blog is, erm, too wordy. HAH! i am a maximalist, like everyone know. so if you want to read it, read lah. if you dont, then just skip, skip.

i would love to show you my pictures but i am really vey lazy to do it. harrumph! i shall, i guess. i'll go find my USB and will put it up here, okay darlings? i know you love me. you can wait. patience, my dear watson(s). haah! and i have slumdog millionaire with me. thank you ustaaaaaaaz! syukran jazilan.

its march already. the third month of the year. and i wonder if i have been good or not. i wonder if it was well-spent. i wonder if i havent been wasting time. oh, i am truly just a servant. forgive me, God. i am really ignorant sometimes. i'll try to be better. to be good. to not waste time anymore. i'll try. please help me, Allah. please bless upon me strength. i need it. to you, please pray for me. thanks!

khairul akmal went to australia on saturday. i get to know about it the day
after. i feel like shit! i will never get to see him for the next eight years. i
will never get to see him laugh like he always does for the next eight years.
and this i cant believe, i'll miss you very much, dude. you're something in my
life. precious, you know. i dont know how i am going to contact you, but, i am
going to. FACEBOOOOOOOOK! i'll miss you loads, dude. i will..

i felt a pang of dissapointment just now. and i knew it. realization hit me hard. but i knew it. the truth hurts, right? im just a hopeless girl with that stupid grin. i want to be the wallpaper. i badly want to shrink into a deep hole. be buried alive. let people remember me as the hopeless girl with the stupid grin who buried herself alive. (how she managed that would be a wonder) i am sick of the facade everybody is showing. i am truly sick by the reactions you guys potray. i may be stupid but i still do have feelings. i am sorry i cant contain it any much longer. i see that you look me as someone childish and immature. i'll just sit back and shut up, i guess. i swear things will be different from now on. it is already different. between you and i is a gap, a barrier, and you should never cross tht line. or i'll go berserk..

i have to get off, pronto. to hafiz, chill, aite? take a break. i promised you. im here. i'll then, count to infinity twice for you. (:

Labels: this wont be the end. its not the beginning yet. i swear. our time will come. i love you..