10:14 PM

FTW! (i finally know how to use this)

salam brothers and sisters. (is there any brothers readng my blog, even?!)

March holidays increased my rindu which has accumulated to maximum rinduness. <- this was taken from har's blog. dude, i miss you. andand, THIS IS SO LIKE A GIRL'S WAY TO POST. BE A MAN! *winks*

"coz i missed the way we danced.
your hands on my hips.
our eyes interlocked with each other.
we speak nothing.
and everything.
i missed it..
when your fingers interlaced with my hairs.
when that eyes linger on my face.
that smile,
that smile always made my day.
where are you?
where are you now?
have i told you that i missed you?"

i am getting emotional lah. (and somehow its all about that little relite camp that took my weekends away from me and swallowed my plans with it). i am sorry lah but why do you have to make it compulsory? and cant we please find replacement for ourselves if we cant dont want to go. (i am not trying to lie) i seriously am tired with all these issues lah.

agaknya betol cakap orang-orang tua. jangan ketawa banyak sangat, nanti malam nangis. no, i am not crying but there's this wrong feeling in me that is super sick. you know what, heck, i am going to skip tomorrow chemm class. (i swear i will. what will i do? go macritchie and cry to the reservoir. complaint to mother nature why is chemm being so mean. ask them what is wrong with chemm and me. i am so lost and i hate being lost)

i am so sad to the point of freezing my puppet in the freezer and let it rot there. yes, i do feel sadistic now. i would slit my wrists and let it bleed and take pictures of it and draw vines around those scars but im a scaredy cat. i am afraid of bluhd. (though the red is sex) and also the pain i will inflict on myself and others that love me. booooooooo lah.

do you know who i really miss? myself. is that being selfish? well, someone told me that its okay to be selfish. seriously? i dont know. its okay, i guess. if my being selfish doenst affect another being on this earth. oh mothernature. i also miss a bunch of others. like shazaa and ruuuzaini and hijannah and luqman ngaleeman. i also miss hafiz. i miss the netbolers. i miss crapping. secondary five is so stoical. and is JC life going to be more stoical than this? oh Allah, please help me.

okay. i am watching mind your language (to somehow 'grab' the accent) and it reminds me of how fun english was last year. not that its not fun this year. its just, being in a mixed-class is rather uneasy. im not being a misandrist. its just that the guys evoke quite an uneasy feelings in myself. okay, back to mind your language, im laughing like mad right now but between pauses, i feel like crying too. these two extremes are fighting and im a confused kid. im a sad, confused kid. boohoo.

it is not known where this feelings come from. is it from the constant coming home tardily. or the fact that i have a lot of things to settle. how come my state of mind is not settled yet? its the second term already and me is worrying like hulahoops. i should have the answer to why i am not settled yet, right? is just test week i guess. (oh, i should not blame others or other things) but really my parents have been worried sick about me not having discipline (which is quite true but on the contrary, i know what im doing. its just about how my ways are always unconventional. its up to an individual to do what he wants. to set up his own routine, right? oh, dont mind me. im just rambling like i always do.

i miss the zoo and the bird park. i didnt get the chance to go to the night safari. i also miss swimming. i have been telling myself that i should do all these things after Os but somehow (especially in situations like this) after Os is like FAR FAR AWAY IN WONDERLAND. i even missed trips to the library and sitting there just absorbing the atmosphere, people watching and stalking cute kids. i miss sitting there and wodering whats going through on a cretain someone (that caught my eyes)'s mind. and what was his or her background like. i'll make strories featuring that someone as my hero/heroine. quite an imaginatin? yeah, i agree. i miss those days, you know.

i need to go now. bye!

SALAM!