11:30 PM

salam brothers and sisters.

it struck me why its always brothers and not sisters first but i guess, thats just the way things are someimes, boys first then girl. because boys are supposed to protect the girls. call me old fasion, i am a nenek. this in MF sucks. but who cares? i dont anymore. and because im fragile and all and might break down any moment, i have to say this. please bear with me. im bursting with emotions. not jst bad ones. good ones too. and ive decided to do everything in one looooooooong paragraph now. because if you care any more than i am, you;l read up till the end. but if you dont, then oo bad, you'll get bored and wont know the rest of the story and well, its not my lost. its yours. D: so, my uncle is gettingmarried and its scary ar. because things are just so tett right now. dang, people. oh, i do expect people to understand me. like finish my sentence before i finish it or just nod with much concern (or even fake it cuz i wont know) well, basically i do. and when people dont, i'll go, 'oh, okay. they're humans. not physcics. you've got to admit that you're kinda stupid to even think of that' and i'll try and smile. and right now, im soo happy because i just bought some stuff. to help me not indulge myself in sadness or worry or whatever, i shop. like crazy and would not stop. i think im addicted to doing something. i cant have people to let me stay put and do the things over and over again. i'll get bored and simply start to think of other stuff. get tired and would want to be done with it. thats why i have 'breaks' for myself. i know i should not do that. i know i should not just skip school. (there, i said it, okay? im not in denial. i skipped school) ad im not proud of it but i dont like that kind of life. i dont want that kind of life. i know that life is too precious to just give it away. but im not. im enjoying it. i cant savour it yet since im tied with school. just have to go through Os. dont get me wrong. i do enjoy studying. just not at this super maha crazy pace. at this pace, if i dont understand something, of course i can ask and well, get my understanding better but after that i swear i'll forget. knowledge should not be like that. (oh hell, why am i preaching?) anyway, yeah. whatever. im just shooting my mind off because there are so many things in my head but i cant say it out because im tired!!! blaaaaah. but my mind is racing like the speed of light! yikes much? i know! damn. ): i want balloons!! and more sales. i need to get out of this life fast, man. and a dreamer i always be,okay? i can be whatever i want and whatever i like, with Allah's will. and as long as its halal. because i just have to have the faith and will. the strength to overcome the worst storm. i have to be happy again. i have to have fun. i miss shazaa, frankly. we barely talk now. and i do not do things i normally do now. why? i dont know sia. (HAH KAN!!) well, whatevs. well, dear. do call if anything happens. (: and hell, it would be nice if somebody would just buy me a cake and celebrate my brithday with me.

till later, insyaAllah. salam!