1:16 AM

im dating girls. you, dig?

salam brothers and sisters.

i am contradicting. you just have to live with me. i just fancy telling people about me now. so, im going to do it. first. i have a lot to say. AHA!

mary is right. i am mushy. :D i am totally like that. i sorry ar if my blog like make you want to gag. haha! well, whatev. im getting pissed off easily nowadays. i dont know why. is it menopause already?! but really, its like, i can be happy one minute and i can be all angstty-ish and dont-you-dare-talk-to-me-or-say-'i-told-you-so' kind of feelings the next couple of minutes. i think it has got to do with the pressure exerted on me by some people who i love so much that i dont dare to speak up and to tell them to piss off coz im afraid that might hurt them. and i think it has also got to do with the things that i cant do because of some things that is getting in the way. oh, i dont know. i always have things getting in my way. urgh. do you feel me? but i can be really vulgar and tell it to your face. that i dont like it when you're doing things because i have my rights to live by. and i sometimes get really pissed off that the people around me get affected. like when i am in one of my no-i-dont-want-to-talk-to-you mode and i just blank everything out and think about nothing else (i can really do that. so when i say im thinking about nothing please dont ask again unless i go, its nothing. then you should ask and pester. you might get an answer. itupun kalau nak tanye) and then i would stop talking and all. the people around me get affected. (unless you really dont care. its famiar isnt it) and why the hell am i pouring everything out? i have to get a life.

today was very very fulfilling. i did something i always wanted (though alone until somebody accompanied me) and i did something i have not been doing in sucha long time. i did a lot of things and i am very happy about today. it actually ended nice. i was fretting over the fact that i couldnt end it the way i wanted it to end but you just have to expect the unexpected. i love today, in fact. thank you.

i saw swans at botanical garden. yes, i went there. to take photos and to read and have a little picnic. to study too, actually. though the studying part being a bit unsuccessful. i was alone. i started the day early actually. went down to orchard hotel for a bit of surveying and stuff. i was given money as incentives. i was a happy goober.

went down to orchard mrt station only to find that i got the timing to meet somebody wrong. so i went around for a bit before i settled on buying fruit tree's apple with aloe bits and some fruits. i then made my way to the bustop to napier road. i wanted to buy myself white daisies but i failed to do so. i was at orchard when i yanked out hafiz's 400D. i borrowed them. i found out tudung-clad girl with DSLR is a rare sight and people are staring waay too much. so when i arrived at botanics, i was shuttering damn mad. i was like a free bird. man, it felt good. (there wasnt anything much to photograph) i settled down in front of that ampitheatre where i laid down my 'mat' and pulled out book and notes to read. i took out my apple juice and fruits and doughnuts and happily did my thing. i was a happy goober once again. after a few hours alone, somebody dear came down. talked loudly and took photos. i was approached by a guy when i was alone. HAHA. much to my amusement, actually. (: i continued reading and talking crap. my dear went to sleep for a while. haha. i love him.

went down to orchard road to meet _______ for more chem notes. then sent him to the bustop and made my way to meet the family.

i had such a good time in a long time with them. we ate and talk crap too. HAHA! though somethings just unavoidable. (like soe problems that include people who doesnt understand) but we manage to forget about things and love ourselves and enjoy te time spent together. my sister is in teka-teki mode and so, we had to endure it. haha! the day ended happy. i told you it was a fulfilling one!

i was featured in an article. after sucha long time! alhamdulillah. (:

salam!